what if i were to delete my social media accounts?

a question that has come up for me in the past, and once again while on a walk this evening.

first thought was: "but... this would mean i loose everything."

by "everything" i mean all the posts i've put energy, time, and effort into. all the words i have typed. all the images i have taken and edited. all the videos that took me hours to create. all the history of images and contacts of international friends i've met during my travels. access to resources and inspiration. you see, it's not just a simple action of hitting the 'delete' button and forgetting about it.

why is this?

why does is it difficult to let go of something i've been conflicted about for many years? this is not the first time i've shared about my questions, concerns and confusion around social media [1]. i either find myself being comforted by the thought that i can use this as a practice opportunity and cultivate some screen hygiene/mindful tech habits, or i'm consumed with an overwhelming feeling of wanting to cull all my social media accounts.

am i coming out of reactivity then?

when i feel that life would be simpler if i don't have these social media accounts, am i just coming from a place of fear? that i wont be able to create healthy boundaries. that i'll find myself over and over again going to bed at 1:30am having watched hours upon hours of YouTube videos.

will my life be any better not engaging with social media?

a funny question to ask after having tried this for 12 months, but you see, there was always a possibility that i'll be going back on when i finish the experiment (for those who don't know, i did an experiment of being off social media for a year) (link in footnotes). if i were to delete all my social media accounts it would feel more of a definitive action.

why do i feel like life will be better without social media?

time. space. silence. presence. engagement.

time for nourishing activities, rather than spending it scrolling or editing photos or videos. activities like going for a walk, reading a hardcover book, playing an instrument, learning about an interest.

space for me to process my life. to contemplate. to reflect. space to just be instead of feeling like i have to be doing something in order to feel good about myself. space for imagination to flourish. space from the urgency of the world's problems. from my comparing mind.

silence from the opinion of others. from the noise of the online world filled with people wanting to be heard. silence in general, you know what i mean?

practicing bringing presence in my life. in the people i'm conversing with. in the tasks i'm involved in. in the commitments i've chosen to invite into my life. presence to the thoughts, feelings and emotions arising within me. presence in what is going on in my immediate surroundings.

and being engaged with life. not just doing things half-arsed, or with this constant yearning for something else ("have you ever thought about what you'll be eating for dinner while eating your lunch?" is a question i've been asked. it sounds strange to hear. stranger yet to answer "yes, i have").

what if i were to delete my social media accounts?

i don't have an answer to this question right now.

the question is brewing, taking it's time to distill something concrete for me to act upon.

i shall continue to practice looking at it.

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[1] i've included a couple of old Instagram posts in this blog post. A Year Off Social Media // Experiment.